Meanie Pixies' Hour of Fame
by ASBusinessMagnet
Summary: Not-MarrissaTheWriter presents you yet another story. This time, Meanie Pixies takes the spotlight she rightfully deserves. Unfortunately, there are some obstacles in her way. Mostly time, though.
1. Principal Business Lady's Legacy

AN HELLLLLLO EVERYONE GUESS WHAT NOT TRAPEZI BLACKHOLE (we already worked with them on Prophet Nights) HAS MADE A BELARUS ALBUM IT IS SO AWESOME I CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO IT! (Because it is so freakishly long that it literally never ends LOL BLACK HUMOR) So it made me think about how I pretty much neglected Meanie Pixies and co. in favor of that STUPID GIRL JANET ROBERTS WHO LITERALLY DID NOTHING OF RELEVANCE TO THE STORY and so instead of any of what you might call "Post-SCrash Session 5: Subtitle I Made Up for the Purposes of This Joke" I instead bring you my NEWEST GREATEST FANFIC THAT WILL BLOW YOU STRAIGHT OUT OF YOUR MINDS.

GET REDDY FOR THE MOST ACTIONY AND AWESOME STORY EVER TO COME OUT FROM ME! Ever. Best.

AND THUS I PRESENT TO YOU

* * *

 **MEANIE PIXIES' HOUR OF FAME**  
Chapter 1: Principal Business Lady's Legacy

Hi my name is Meanie Pixies and guess where I am.

Wait, nevermind that for a second. I have to point out one seriously wrong thing with what has happened right above me in that text.

Seriously, tell me when you look above that there's nothing wrong with it.

Because if you do, you are WRONG TO T)(-E MA)(.

This title is LITERALLY not deserving of me. I know a much better alternative than to prance around in "fame" or whatever it is you Earth lameglubs call it.

 _Seriously Written Note: I know what you're thinking of doing, and it's against this site's rules. No curses in titles, okay?_

In OFFICIAL titles that wrap everything around. In these titles that are literally flowing with the text, I'M THE BOSS.

Anyway. Forget all of this ever happened and I, and only I, none of that Marrissa Roberts or that other girl involved, present to you:

* * *

 **MEANIE PIXIES' BITCHING HOUR**  
Chapter 1: Some Stupid Play by Some Stupid Human that Some Other Stupid Human Attended

Hi my name is Meanie Pixies and guess where I am.

That's right.

Still in the good old and also STUPID Pixies(C) Dream Bubbles, All Rights to Glub You Over Reserved.

You know why?

It's because of THIS. *points to leg* (AN: LOL VSAUCE THREE REFERANCE)

Literally no one ever (thanks a lot, CANDACENSION NO WORTHY OF MY SURNAME) asked me "Oh hey, there's this girl from a completely different species and I would like you to invite her to your body". And now I'm stuck like that. And not only that, but Candacension somehow magically made it happen in reverse time, so I felt the effects BELARE (AN: THATS HOW YOU SAY BEFORE IN BELORUSSIAN) the curse even happened in the first place. And I can't even point you to Enchiridion Marrissa like Aranna did because the name of the human is in there and that causes the curse apparently so just eat a load of THIS.

So, naturally, when Candacension's empire blew up on her with the RED MILES, I threw a party in the dream bubbles and I was happy. Everyone attended and we had a good time except for that 8ORE Aranna Sorket. Instead she decided to ruin it for me and briefly called me from this place to the future (but not as much in the future as the humans of the waterworld) and then we got in trouble with this idiot named Skepness Man who dragged us into Aranna's time and then I disappeared again.

I was wary of doing anything on the dream bubbles because it would happen again and it did but only briefly. So I was scared but then I guess Merlin LeJoin came and said "Oh hey don't be scared! If anything you should be happy that your company's stocks are continuing to rise!" and I looked at my stocks and turns out Merlin was wrong and they were dropping so I kicked her out and did some managerial stuff you don't want to hear about and the business got up and running again.

Thus I tried to enjoy my life but I felt like I couldn't. I was forever doomed to be a sidekick to Marrissa Roberts's kid or something and therefore during my stay I almost considered going to Andord Hell but then the goth emo phase passed and some four or five sweeps later I was happy and grinning.

Up until I was pulled from the dream bubbles AGAIN.

Here's what happened, and I guess you need someone other than me to be the narrator so I'll give in.

* * *

Oh hey I'm Janet Roberts and ever since timelines unraveled upon us I guess I've been doing fine and I was successfully raising a family in the past with my and Dick Stiller's daughter Bertha Stiller and Roxa and Jack have had their own child Louise London so the two kids have been pretty much hanging out like they're sisters. (WINK WINK FORESHADOWING)

So yeah, and the last most prominent news so far has been the Inside Out premiere by Skepness Man Beauregarde and Chell Junor Roberts. We were sure to attend, and then we were sure to cry because everyone else did. It's just how the play went for everyone and we applauded Skepness Man and Chell Junor for their ingenuity as far as this matter is concerned.

But then it came to realize that there were certain people who also participated in Inside Out and who were definitely not okay with us being there. Seriously the beef we have with some of the Belorussian aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin is unimaginable and it has been an issue I've been meaning to resolve but it's not like any of us four could resolve it. Maybe Bertha and Louise but they still had to grow up.

Therefore, when, after the play, Aranna Sorket herself stepped down from the stage and shot a finger at me, I was not ready. Her look was killing me and I even felt my death happening in real time.

But then luckily someone else pulled her away from us. It was... SKEPNESS MAN! "Yeah sorry about Aranna. The thing is that Inside Out is so popular that-" and before he could finish Principal Business Lady stepped up to him! "Hey so Inside Out was awesome when are you making a sequel?" "That." Skepness Man shrugged and immediately began planning for Inside Out 2 to occur.

"And that is where YOU come in." Aranna pushed Skepness Man away and continued killing me. "You see, we need more actors to play Logic Editor's emotions and you know who sucks at acting? You. But you know who is great and could be a help for us? The other Belorussian aliens. And so, I am going to say their names and you are going to disappear forever. Those are MMMMMMMPH!" I looked in at shock to see who Aranna was silenced by it was Skepness Man still heroically fighting! "You will not convert these last people ever to grace the Earth!" he shouted being mad at Aranna and breaking The Time Police truce with her. Aranna even bit his arm but that did nothing to pull the arm away.

But then I came to something even more unexpected... Lately Pirate throwing a skateboard and hitting Skepness Man's head! Unfortunately her throw was way too fast and Skepness Man's head was literally split in half and the half of his head fell over and the other body also fell over and he died. The skateboard also ricocheted and hit a girl in the abdomen (since she was still on the stage) that was Skepness Man and Chell Junor's daughter Violet Beauregarde, Jr. and she also got split in half but it was not on the head so she survived.

I screamed with the burning passion of the stars of two universes at Skepness Man's death and Chell Junor got so mad she exploded the entire City of Portal High School Centre of Culture leaving just us in the rubbish but no one died from the explosion so Chell Junor ran away because she was officially a goth emo now (guess goth emoness runs from generation to generation) back to Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry to try and run it alone. And she also took her daughter in order to maybe hopefully be able to fix her.

"Hahahaha. No one can stop me now now that Skepness Man is dead I will become the new true chronomad!" Aranna laughed maniacally. "And therefore I need recruits. Oh, and Inside Out 2 is happening too! And for it, the actors I need are:" Aranna rose up into the air so no one could silence her and I knew that the following words would spell my death.

"Meanie Pixies, Merlin LeJoin, Whores the Hock and Chronos Ampersand."

Suddenly the greatest pain took me over and I disappeared forever.

* * *

Alright enough of your narration human back to me.

So, of course, I was unaware of all this and therefore when I appeared in the rubbish that was formerly the City of Portal High School Center of Culture I was just like WTF why am I not at the dream bubbles but then I saw that Aranna Sorket was floating for no goddamn reason! She repeated ominously:

"Meanie Pixies, Merlin LeJoin, Whores the Hock and Chronos Ampersand."

and to pretty much everyone else it appeared that she said it twice but to the human who I'm still a part of and to me she only said the names once. Also she was no longer wearing the blue Sadness cosplay she was wearing something orange and with a sun symbol. "Oh yeah. Why am I floating? I played Sburb and got the God Tiers. So now I can fly. Also, invisible spider silk may or may not have been involved." She laughed but pretty much everyone else was mad at her and at the Belorussians so she threw some more of her invisible spider silk and soon enough Lately, Cranky, myself, Merlin, Whores, Chronos, Bertha and Louise were up in the air. Flashlight Girl though knew that the jig was up and ran to Tbilisi, Georgia as fast as she could but she tripped and the angry mob decided to lash out on her and she died as well.

Needless to say I didn't know who Bertha and Louise were and why they were relevant and why as humans they were somehow equal with us aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin so I asked Aranna "What is the deal with them?" and she began explaining "You see, when a mommy human and a daddy human love each other very much, they decide that they want to have the ugliest mixture of themselves possible. So they..."

* * *

When Aranna was done explaining she had tons of trigger warnings issued to her by Cranky and I was thoroughly disgusted so maybe now that Flashlight Girl was dead I could take over her role as Disgust in Inside Out and its future adaptations. "Ew that's gross" I asked and then I asked Aranna to turn to whatever she thinks her plan is.

She whipped out her trademark Time Police car and we all sat into it. Bertha and Louise had the least clue as to what was going on but at least I had seen plenty of Merlin, Whores and Chronos in the dream bubbles so we could chit chat while Cranky pointed out that since Aranna got to the god tiers she was able to upgrade her Time Police car to actually be able to travel between dimensions. So to continue she pulled the trigger warning stickers from her eyes and drove BACK TO BELARUS.

Oh, and before we went of course we picked up Doormat, Roughie, Mitt, Parrot and Curlbent. Did you think we would just have left them behind? Some others (not even going to bother calling names) may think that some members of my team are irrelevant, but not me. I composed the team all by myself and I think they all are AS RELEVANT AS I AM.

* * *

On the way there was only one fun thing to encounter. There was a girl kind of like me but she had tattoos and was raising an army of ghosts. "yo glubbas only tha best meenah peixes here wanna join my ghost army" she said and I noped to her the biggest nope I had given my whole life and we drove away wondering what the deal was up with her and why she couldn't even spell "Meanie Pixies".

* * *

When we finally reached Belarus I then realized my goof. You see back in The Belorussian Aliens I had tried to kill everyone because it had gotten boring at the Frog Temple but then Cranky threw up my bomb at Belarus and blew up Belarus so now there only was the pink moon and its own moon orbiting it and no Belarus just a ring system formed by the debris! I glared at Cranky but then he had nothing to offer and Aranna was dumbfounded by the revelation.

"Unbelievable so now I have to piece an entire planet all by myself" I said and took the wheel from Aranna. I had to drive along the orbit of the ring system really really fast faster than even many lights and pick up the pieces. They all fit in a certain way like a puzzle and solving the puzzle was hard for me but luckily I have these other people and putting many minds to it we were finally able to join pieces into clumps and clumps into a whole new planet that was just like Belarus.

Our end result was amazing but now it span super fast so I pulled brakes so it could be going at normal orbital speed. Of course you don't just drag a planet without looking like you're doing nothing and so we ended with the car in an awkward position with its back on the ground of a planet whose name as I was decided was Belarus Nouveau.

Aranna then gently helped in putting the car to a normal position and we got out of the car to actually explore Belarus Nouveau.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED

 _Seriously Written Note: Merry end of Homestuck, everyone. You're welcome._


	2. Belarus Nouveau, Des Amis Anciens

**MEANIE PIXIES' BITCHING HOUR**  
Chapter 2: Belarus Nouveau, Des Amis Anciens

* * *

The first thing we noticed about Belarus Nouveau is that it didn't really have a population going on. It was pretty obvious that while I can piece a planet back together, I cannot piece a life of a candy corn BEING (AN I FINALLY REALIZED WHAT TO DO IN THIS CASE WHEN THE ALIENS ARE TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES) back together, and so I ended up with corpses right where the people where when Cranky exploded Belarus- oh ho ho, there we go with another essay. Essays are the worst. Like Business Lady's Inside Out essays. Have you _read_ any of them?

"On the contrary, I was merely acting on self-defense. You were the one that threatened the lives of me and my friends (including yourself; I am yet to determine your motives there) and I was left with no other choice. In retrospect, as a point of good practice, you should have told me when you were building a bomb in the first place, so that the construction and the use of the bomb could be productive, rather than putting an innocent planet's life to end." LITERALLY NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF NARRATING A FANFIC SO SHUT UP.

Aranna just glared at me as she always does with her glasses that I wish I could throw off her face and smash into the ground so I decided that I would explore Belarus Nouveau on my own. I thus ran off and everyone followed me since I'm their leader but then I made a huge circle and took the Time Police's car and navigated to the underwater where Luminacondy Pixies' castle was which was where I lived so I could reminisce. Unfortunately Lately seems to have gotten a floating inflatable skateboard with her so they stole the Time Police's car but none of them can breathe underwater so I was safe once and for all.

I guess Luminescense's mansion gave me some thinking space about what I had become. After all, if I hadn't ditched her like this, she would probably be still alive and running Belarus like nothing happened, because nothing would have happened. Buh dum tss. She would still think that I'm her hairless and I would be unwitting and all sorts of stuff like this

Eh, thinking is boring. Let's get in on some action.

So I looked up and noticed that HOLY SHIT THE TIME POLICE'S CAR IS MISSING NOW I AM TO BE STUCK FOREVER IN LUKASHENKO'S CASTLE. I swam to the sea level as fast as I could and then looked around to see if there was any surface there wasn't because Luminacondy hated everyone and everything above sea level she only really enjoyed life under the sea. That meant that I was stuck and so I just was about to swim back down when I noticed something.

Turns out the pink moon of Belarus still had an alive population and the population had already launched rockets to go back to Belarus! There were flaming stars everywhere so I ran along the sea surface (another power that the seadwellers have besides being able to breathe underwater) to check out where they were going to land and when I ran to the surface I saw something that looked like a rocket (it was actually a time machine but I didn't know at the time) and the person inside decided to greet me but completely FAILED at it just look:

"Hey Candacension Pixies of the planet Altair! I submit to you wholeheartedly!"

"Um no the name is actually Meanie Pixies and this planet is Belarus Nouveau" I began explaining but then realized that literally everyone on that stupid purple moon has their horns up in their asses and thinks I'm dead which I am but I was resurrected on this other supercool planet called Earth. So I told it to the guy and he still went on his own shit and I didn't have time for this I needed to find The Time Police but in order to do that I had to search for some time and time is boring so I needed some tunes to be able to do it so I just put all the tracks of Homestuck Vol. 10 all at once and went on ignoring the guy even though he kept following me.

Eventually I caught up with the stupid car which was actually searching for me too so it was a nice reunion with everyone but then the guy showed up again and just to make sure he was not one of those two human chicks that tagged along us I doublechecked him WITH A TRIDENT THROUGH HIS TORSO my methods are the best ever don't question them ever. Everyone was shocked that I decided to establish my leadership once again especially Aranna who knew that the production of Inside Out 2 would be in trouble (though a lot of it was all those previous deaths) but then an essence escaped him and took over me since after all he had lost his life and I was the Thief of Life that was one of my Sgrub powers.

I was knocked back and Roughie asked "hey meanie everything okay?" and I appreciated his efforts but then I ominously answered:

"lol no the guy was actually right my name is Candacension now. also you all need new names since your current names suck.".

and I caught myself to my throat because that was not me at all.

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Post SCrash Session: They See Me Trollin

**MEANIE PIXIES' BITCHING HOUR  
** Chapter 3: Post-SCrash Session: They See Me Trollin'

* * *

Hi my name is Bertha Stiller and I am the kid of Janet Roberts and Dick Stiller. You see writing about kids of the main cast is the cool thing to do nowadays since the main characters have done just so much and even secondary ones like Janet and Dick have already had their spotlights and therefore even if I am only eleven years old I can still be cool and relevant and vogue. Just see Star Wars 7: The Force Awakens. Or ITS MY LIFE!: THE FLAMES AWAKENS.

Though if you were expecting actiony sequences you are wrong. It is AG 1991 now and no one really fights in epic fights anymore like Marrissa did. Now we just sit by our newfangled computers and write fanfic on literally everything. It was even a big thing back when Janet and Dick were the main heroes but the problem is that the Marrissaverse sucks in delivering anything cool that is a fictional work and I kind of have issues with writing about real people.

Fortunately though the opportunity showed up at just the right moment. You see recently Janet and Dick took me to the premiere of a Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry play Inside Out. The main stars of it were Skepness Man Beauregarde and Chell Junor and I instantly recognized them as my distant ancestors (since I'm Janet's kid and Janet is the ultimate heiress of the final minutes before the Third Creation remember) and fell in love with how they delivered their story of a girl just like me who has a boyfriend just like Janet has Dick and Dick has his sunglasses.

But then I was shocked to see that Skepness Man had died! Oh no! What sort of terrible monster could have killed him? Turns out, it was one of those no-good aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin, Lately Pirate (who was also a star at Inside Out and that made a conflict in my mind. You see I liked Skepness Man and Chell Junor but I also thought that they had already made a friendship and learned how to satiate the aliens but it seems that the two species were just too different.

And then ANOTHER alien with candy corn horns and gray skin Aranna Sorket delivered an attack on my parents and also the parents of this other girl Louise London who were also cool people by the name of Roxa Lavigne and Jack London they were cool but they were to be no more since apparently a curse had been placed on them and they never bothered to tell us that it's a thing. So they were not dead but as good as dead and I was even more mad at these aliens trying to assume being our parents because that is not cool and the last time that happened literally went down in the history of the Marrissaverse though sadly Enchiridion Marrissa didn't cover it but Enchiridion Marrissa could always be fixed.

At any rate Aranna and Meanie and these other ten no-good aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin decided to take us to their home planet but there wasn't anything there because Meanie had blown the home planet up and I laughed because she can't think properly for once and is basically no worth as a good replacement for my glorious mother Janet Roberts. Grumbling at the sort of joke I made Meanie said "Unbelievable so now I have to piece an entire planet all by myself" and well she pieced an entire planet all by herself and then explored it some and could do stuff on her own.

She finally returned but a guy had been hanging onto her as if she was a religious leader and she shot him with her trident and suddenly claimed that she was not Meanie, she was Candacension. I'm still calling you Meanie because- no. I have a better idea. How about I call you...

"Janet Roberts." I said and expected Meanie to painfully transform but as I waited and waited nothing happened. She finally said: "You didn't get the memo? I'm not Janet Roberts and I'm not Meanie Pixies either I am an entirely new being by the name of Candacension Pixies. And because I said so you all are getting new names as well, starting with my best friends." I had to lean back because apparently Meanie favored those no-good aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin.

"Aranna Sorket, now you're going to be Markers Spin Around Windfang." Aranna was confused "I can't take this name!" and Meanie responded "are you implying markers don't spin around?" "No" " _then what's the glubbin problem_ " Meanie deathglared and went on to "Lately Pirate, you're now Neopet Radglare, and Cranky Vasquez is becoming Surfer Sinless" and I pretty much fell asleep.

"And finally, Bertha Stiller and Louise London" and I woke up because my time to shine finally came. "Actually, no, while the names I came up with for everyone else are awesome your names will glubbin' suck because you glubbin' suck. And also you're way too young what are these things that you're having" and Meanie was caught in a thinking trance.

She tried thinking of why humans suck and why she is so glad to not be Janet Roberts then she got stuck in a loop thinking "Janet Roberts" repeatedly since it was so awesome to finally be able to think of her name getting her rid of her curse and the only thing that got her out of this loop was looking at our chests and seeing something as even though we're pretty young we're also basically struck with main character syndrome (kind of like the speshul power Mary Sue needle but a milder case) and had already grown these two... big... like a bomb going boom but twice... "haha that's it!" Meanie said.

"You two will have the surname Boombooms. So, Bertha Boombooms and Louise Boombooms. That is a totally awesome and original name which you DON'T DESERVE BECAUSE YOU ARE HUMANS AND HUMANS GLUBBIN' DROOL but you will have to take them. And also, Bertha, I know you're glubbin' narrating and I am the main character so I will need the narration" Meanie said and launched at me.

But before Meanie could take over the narration I threw a cursor much like in Animator vs. Animation III and it clicked and we switched to someone else's narration entirely.

* * *

Chell Junor was now goth emo crying since without Skepness Man the love of her life she couldn't do anything anymore and since North Koreans can't do shit either they decided that they need to hire someone from the main Marrissaverse and those were a guy named Linux Travolta and a neither a guy nor a girl but just a THEY called Stephanie Universe. They both (even though one of them is a they both of them are they as well so confusing I know) arrived to her and Chell Junor suddenly knew what to do.

"Linux and Stephanie, you know why I gathered you here. Recently I lost two friends by the names of Skepness Man and Flashlight Girl and I need you to rebuild them bigger and better."

"And open source!" Linux shouted.

"And an experience." Stephanie held her fist in front of his face or something they get mixed up on their pronouns all the time.

"That's the spirit." Chell Junor smiled and Charlie Roberts walked up to her but Violet Beauregarde, Jr. couldn't because she didn't have no legs.

"Oh and while you're working on an improved version of my husband can you make her float or something because she is not going to crawl everywhere and wheelchairs are lame as hell" Chell Junor said and Linux and Stephanie nodded.

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. The Marrissaverse's New Fad

**MEANIE PIXIES' BITCHING HOUR  
** Chapter 4: The Marrissaverse's New Fad

* * *

Meanie/Candacension Pixies and Bertha Stiller/Boombooms (neither one has the narration now so it's in third person) were still looking mad at each other. "Bertha you crazy bitch I NEED THE NARRATION DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER" Candacension shouted and launched at Bertha but Bertha spun away because she had the main character syndrome and Candacension instead hit her friends Aranna/Windfang and Cranky/Sinless who were all three fell over and hit the random mud of Belarus Nouveau/Altair. Louise London/Boombooms took this as a distraction and jumped into the Time Police's car and started it up and drove away.

"You absolutely cannot do this! As the leader of The Time Police I condemn you and all your ancestry and descendants!" Windfang shouted and Bertha was like "yo bitch talk to me after you've won against Louie Blasko in the Eurovision Song Contest" (AN: GO JAMALA!) which made Windfang mad and Candacension even madder but then Candacension realized "yo whoever is owning the narration has taken on my names including Windfang" and Windfang got even madder "I am not Windfang, nor do I ever desire to own this name. Period." Aranna jumped up to try and get the narrator but that didn't happen as Bertha did another low pass over where the trolls and Louise were and they all ducked and fell over but Louise knew better.

She jumped up and got to hang onto the structure of the Time Police's car and as such she could launch herself and since the car was driving towards Candacension Bertha kicked her right in the face and made her tumble back into the sea and Candacension hadn't activated her gills yet so she was choking and grasping for breath so the other trolls came to rescue her and so Louise did a flying backflip with her car and Bertha did a flying backflip with herself and got into the car and both drove away into the distance.

"Next destination?" Louise asked her second cousin/"sister" and knew exactly what Bertha would say: "Portal High School, AG 1991 September 1." Louise thus speeded up and away.

* * *

PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL, SLIGHTLY BEFORE AG 1991 SEPTEMBER 1

Marrissa Roberts who was also at the premiere of Inside Out was thoroughly disappointed by how Principal Business Lady handles her child and also children in general. "Look my son in law died that means that you just straight up don't know anything about how to keep them safe. Oh and also you let Loreta Alcorn straight up SEWISIDE" she shouted and Business Lady was defenseless and Marrissa slammed the door to her house and Business Lady kept waiting.

* * *

PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL, THIS TIME ACTUALLY AT AG 1991 SEPTEMBER 1

It would seem as though Marrissa's disappearance had created a cult because it had created a gathering by Marrissa's house by people but those were not friendly with Business Lady because rather they had taken to name themselves "Lettucest fans" after the pairing between Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce since they knew that Marrissa was named after Robot. Also since the school year had come Business Lady wanted to make sure that they would go to the opening but they refused to listen.

That was when Louise and Bertha arrived in their car and parked near the crowd. "Business Lady we're sorry this is the car that used to belong to Skepness Man what should we do about it" and Business Lady said "Put it in the center of the Park Square and write something like "In memory of Skepness Man" so it becomes a monument so it becomes a PokéStop. Seriously we need more PokéStops" and Louise and Bertha backed away since they didn't know what PokéStops were but some falmer trollz who Business Lady had enslaved immediately began working on it.

"What? You don't know about the newest fad in town?" Business Lady shrugged and one guy of the crowd was like "like what? Sticking things up your newfound vagina?" "that is called dilation and it's a serious medical procedure" Business Lady deathglared and then suddenly got excited. "Pokémon Go!" She held up her smartphone but then rumbling was heard at Marrissa's house so everyone looked at it.

Out stepped someone who looked kind of like Marrissa but they didn't have the big squishy chest but their face still looked like a girl. They had pointy sharp black hair and still had the purple overcoat that Marrissa had had while she was Violet Beauregarde but this couldn't have been Violet Beauregarde (or Marrissa, for that matter and a red badge with a cool bird.

"Team Valor? That's it I give up on everyone who used to be my friend I have no friends only a daughter" Business Lady stepped away with Caroline who was her daughter and they were both Team Mystic. "It's not like I ever wanted you to be a friend. Let's face it - this gang will worship me much better and disregard the fact that I used to be Marrissa" the person said in a male voice so since Marrissa has speshul powers and they work perfectly that must have been a he.

"But then, if you're not Marrissa, who are you?" Business Lady asked. "Well the story is that my last speshul power is I could turn myself into young back again but I would be a guy and I would lose my speshul powers and since I was growing old I had to wait for the perfect moment for a fad to be introduced to the youth and Pokémon Go was the perfect moment for me to be a teenager but NOT go to Portal High School because your management is terrible."

"You idiot I asked for your NAME not ranting about your speshul powers which haven't saved me once" Business Lady angered and was about to step into a fucking box like TARDIS that could speed away at the amazing speed of 10 kilometers/hour. Not Marrissa took a climb on his house and it lasted a while so the crowd laughed because they were all Team Valor as well and Business Lady had gotten completely roasted.

"why 10 km/h" Caroline asked while Not Marrissa climbed and Business Lady answered "because eggs don't hatch if you go faster and it took me an entire bike trip to the City of Half-Life College and back to figure that out" she shrugged and opened the door of the TARDIS but then Not Marrissa finally got up and shot a firework making Business Lady and Caroline look and extended his arms to greet his new army and shouted.

"Introducing... INSANE GUY OF DOOM AND THE LETTUCEST FANDOM!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	5. Intermission: Reddit Essay

this post was submitted on 08 Aug 2016  
 **0 points** (50% upvoted)

 **0 - [Discussion]** What is and isn't a MarrissaTheWriter story villain and where that leaves Insane Guy of DOOM (self. insideout)

submitted an hour ago by ASBusinessMagnet [Joy flair]

* * *

So. Now that I finally, after repeated failure, finally actually introduced our lord and savior and the actual creator of MarrissaTheWriter, Insane Guy of DOOM, into a Marrissa story, your thoughts _probably_ revolve around the particular situation that I posed him to, and the inevitable question: is he a villain or not?

On one hand, he opposes Principal Business Lady, both in the Pokémon Go turf wars of Team Mystic v. Valor and on a more ideological level (somehow, I'm responsible for the deaths of Skepness Man and Loreta Alcorn) and since Principal Business Lady is my self-insert, anyone who opposes her is automatically the villain. On the other hand, though, he is _literally Marrissa Roberts incarnate_ , and anyone who opposes _her_ is not only automatically the villain, but destined to die in a relatively short period of time, even in my own stories such as Marrissaverse Stories 2015 with Marrissa Picard (though, we do know from Enchiridion Marrissa that wouldn't apply to Business Lady).

This, however, begs a much more fundamental question - What does a MarrissaTheWriter villain make?

* * *

The MarrissaTheWriter Wiki groups all characters that have an article on them (on which there is a whooping 100) into three main categories: "Protagonists" (of which there are 38), "Antagonists" (23) and "Ambiguously affiliated characters" (35) (with some rare exceptions, so far only including Companon Coob and Katty the Koala, getting grouped into a fourth category, "Non-sentient characters"). However, rather than attempt and analyze each of these categories, I presume it will be much more interesting to analyze characters by story, chronologically, and see if any patterns begin developing. Thusly:

 _ **ITS MY LIFE!**_

As the first chapters of ITS MY LIFE! have been described by Insane Guy of DOOM as an attempt to try and push a trolling identity as far as possible while still appearing genuine, the division between protagonist and antagonist is rather clear. No ITS MY LIFE! character (that has an article on MarrissaTheWriter Wiki so far) has ever been classed as "ambiguously affiliated", and everyone must take sides, either being in the "for Marrissa" side or in the "against Marrissa" side.

The "for Marrissa" side obviously includes Marrissa herself, and since she is the main character and narrator for the majority of ITS MY LIFE! (with the sole exception being Wheatly, Marrissa's love interest and eventual husband), this group also includes everyone she has met and become friends with, such as Wheatly, Gabe Jonson, Caroline and the TEEN FORTRESS 2. Conversely, the "against Marrissa" side includes Marrissa's main enemies, such as GLaDOS, Altas and P-Boy, Cave Jonson, the evil TEEN FORTRESS 2, Assirram Strebor and (so far only appearing in the reviews) falmer trollz.

Perhaps the only case that is not as clear cut as it would seem is that of Chell, Marrissa's "less hot and pretty" sister. While originally, she is "brane damaged" and contributes little to the story, Marrissa still treats her as a friend, as much as she can. This, however, is undermined by the short-lived love triangle between Chell, Marrissa and Wheatly, leaving Chell in an unclear position until her fusion with GLaDOS as CHELLGaDOS, which cures the "brane damage" and leaves Chell as an actual character. However, after the GLaDOS parts of CHELLGaDOS are sucked to space, Chell dies, leaving her case there.

 _ **TEEN FORTRESS 2**_

While TEEN FORTRESS 2 continues with the patterns established by ITS MY LIFE!, it also begins veering from them, as well as introducing a new concept: reviewers of previous stories now become characters, and they are also shoved into the sides of "for Marrissa" and "against Marrissa", which they usually pick themselves. These include Business Man and Logik Edtor, who are pro-Marrissa, and Ring Mater and Skep Katty- well, "the bloog bout haf worlds", who are anti-Marrissa. However, while this paradigm eventually led into the featuring of Insane Guy of DOOM and this very discussion that we're having, let's instead move on to characters whose standing on the Marrissa line is blurred.

These are, of course, none other than the Portal High School teachers, Mr. Pursell and Mr. Sanpe, and Principal GLaDOS. Their relationship with students such as Scot and the rest of TEEN FORTRESS 2 is not always made clear, but pointers lead to Mr. Pursell siding with the students, while Mr. Sanpe sides against them. However, this definition leads to problems, since neither of these has actually ever interacted with Marrissa Roberts, based on whom we were defining the scale to begin with, and the grouping between the two sides becomes more tentative.

Perhaps the best exemplification of this is Principal GLaDOS. While she is a druggy jerk, a typical indication of a Marrissa villain (so far, based on what we've seen), she also wants the best for Portal High School, and will punish/reward students appropriately.

 ** _Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition_**

This is where I come in, and start partially shaping this dichotomy to my own accord. And while Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition might look like "just" a rewrite of TEEN FORTRESS 2 from Principal Business Man's perspective, the very perspective that we're looking from shows a depth that Insane Guy of DOOM alone couldn't have unlocked.

For the most part, Business Man's views seem to align with those of Marrissa; that is, the TEEN FORTRESS 2 eventually become friendly (even though, at first, they appear like villains destroying Portal High School), while Cave Jonson is a villain. However, Business Man's view also unlocks a host of characters that neither Marrissa nor Wheatly nor Scot have interacted with, whose placement on the Marrissa spectrum becomes even less clear.

Such characters mainly come from Invader Zim (with some Homestuck characters being named, but not yet showing up at this point). While Zim and Dib are mainly introduced as a cheap joke to be gotten rid of almost immediately, similar to other joke characters both before and after this point, and Gaz has been carried over from TEEN FORTRESS 2 to be Demonman's girlfriend, Gir provides the most interesting case.

For a recap, Gir has been subject to the joke disappearance of Zim, and has been living an unsatisfactory life until Cave Jonson came along and turned it into a human girl, seemingly for him to own as a sex toy. Cave Jonson, of course, eventually got his upcoming, and Gir had to stumble through human life, eventually ending up in the pizza delivery industry. This marks Gir as a clear side character with her own arc, but doesn't clearly affiliate her with either Marrissa's side or the antagonists' side, except perhaps via a transfer of property between her and Business Man.

 _ **Invader Zim: Born Again Christian**_

Born Again Christian is the first Marrissa fic to steer away from the main continuity, instead attempting to establish an entirely new narrative with its own protagonists and antagonists. However, Insane Guy of DOOM's and MarrissaTheWriter's views and the subsequent dichotomy persist, which means that eventually, Born Again Christian does not make a particular breakthrough, with the only notable point of interest being Business Man's switch of allegiance from consertive critisim guy to falmer troll.

 _ **OMG IMMA IN LOFE WIDDEN ALEEYEN!**_

If the sides you had to pick in previous stories were black and white, with a slight hint of grey, the sides you have to pick here might as well be green and purple. (AN LOL CAUSE THEY'RE ROSS AND KANNER'S COLORS) While the story is definitely in the same continuity as ITS MY LIFE! et al. and features elements such as Portal High School, it shakes things up a bit by introducing an entirely original cast, primarily derived from Homestuck characters such as Rose Lalonde and Kanaya Maryam, who insofar have had no relevance to Marrissa's continuum.

There are only two slight connections that can be made, neither of which are particularly helpful in deciding whether Rose, Kanaya and their friends stand in the "for Marrissa"/"against Marrissa" line: Rose's shared family with Skepkitty, a known falmer troll and villain, and Principal InterdimensionalPortaller, who, of course, is a reinterpretation of Ms. Johnson-Rattmann "interdimensionalPortaller" from Portal 2: The Stupidest Sequel of All Time, who used to be the story's protagonist, but then turned antagonistic against the Business Magnet.

 _ **THE MARRISSA GAMES**_

And just like that, THE MARRISSA GAMES turns back to our good ol' Marrissa Roberts, back in more misadventures, this time in the world of The Hunger Games. Of course, as this is a fandom that hasn't been touched upon before, all of its characters are brought into the Marrissaverse wholesale, along with their alignments, albeit with a few shuffles that shake things up a bit, but not enough to cause a whole new paradigm to appear. Those are:

■ Katniss Everdeen, the main protagonist, has been turned into a joke character not unlike Chell, whose sole purpose in the story is to be made fun of (and as her disease is not mental, there is no easy cure out of it for her). In addition, that breaks the love triangle between her, Peeta and Gale, with each of them assuming their own mate (namely, Prim for Peeta and "Hermoany" for Gale), and the three simply being labeled as protagonists.

■ The Capitol of Panem, the main villains, are seamlessly integrated with Critics United, a FanFiction. Net police group, as well as the falmer trollz, to form a huge "villains" team that no longer has to antagonize Marrissa personally to qualify. Though, this also ends up breaking bases: some falmer trollz are actually tributes of the Hunger Games, despite supposedly being on the same side as the Capitol.

■ Finally, there's Captain Whip Whittaker, whose allegiance throughout THE MARRISSA GAMES is not particularly made clear until the very end, where he converts Portal Labs to a floating facility, thus firmly establishing himself to be on Marrissa's side.

 _ **Post-SCrash Session 1 and 2**_

If THE MARRISSA GAMES continued the tradition of ITS MY LIFE!, then the Post-SCrash Session series continues the tradition of OMG IMMA IN LOFE WIDDEN ALEEYEN!. This tradition, of course, means bringing in more Homestuck characters and embracing whatever it means to be a hero/villain in Homestuck, which is... well.

The lore of Homestuck is largely based on predestination, which means that being a hero or villain is your destiny. Unfortunately, that destiny largely groups the protagonists into a tightly-knit group of friendship (or, in case of the alpha kids, who Post-SCrash Session focuses on, ill-fated romance), with the main villains being "far away" people such as Her Imperious Condescension, a.k.a. Candacension Pixies.

This trend continues in Post-SCrash Session 2: The Belorussian Aliens, which (mistakenly) leads us to believe that Candacension and Meanie are two different people, and that one has had an influence on the other's life that is hard to reverse, further strengthening Candacension's position as a villain, with one caveat - Candacension has never directly appeared, and won't be until a couple of fics down this list.

 _ **Skepness Man's works**_

Skepness Man's history of the world per Enchiridion Marrissa, as well as his autobiography per Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History, were always intended to be biased from the perspective of the falmer trolls, similar to how Insane Guy of DOOM's stories set in the main Marrissa continuum were biased from the perspective of Marrissa.

This is the main takeaway from Skepness Man's works, along with two other facts: the fact that Skepness Man has met people no one else has, including an entire alternate universe, and the fact that there is no definite Skepness Man plotline until his "adoption", meaning there are no heroes or villains to speak of except for Skepness Man himself and people he deems "trustworthy", regardless of what his actual interaction with them (which he conveniently glosses over, sometimes even lampshading the fact) might be.

 ** _Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host_**

So far, I consider this to be the most successful Marrissa fic that I have ever written, an award that I decided to pin to it due to how I was able to express particular messages and notions within both fanfic and Marrissa, and some of those notions include, once again, pushing the limit of what is and is not a villain, starting with the eventual main stars. As Skepness Man has already been covered to some extent, that primarily leaves someone whose name you can practically say by now:

Violet Beauregarde.

Violet, of course, is imported from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, another story that strangely deals with its own heroes and villains. Roald Dahl, the author, is generally of the opinion that Violet, along with Augustus, Veruca and Mike, is a villain, but that notion only ever comes if you assume that each of them is after the same "special prize" as Charlie is. In addition, this thought also makes the protagonist group sparser: while, by any logical definition, you would assume Charlie's family to be the protagonists, they do not actually come with Charlie to compete for the special prize (not that he was competing for it in the first place), and are only supporting characters.

This is, of course, to speak nothing of the adaptations; for example, the 1971 adaptation takes Slugworth, supposedly a rival of Wonka's and therefore a minor villain, to Mr. Wilkinson, an _employee_ of Wonka's who serves as an additional test to the characters. The 2005 movie steps up the game by giving an in-depth biography of Wonka, who, at heart, is a soul just as troubled as the Golden Ticket winners are, and who has to remedy his own flaws to be accepted by Charlie. Then, there's the 2013 play, written coincidentally with Spectators of the Host, which involves Wonka in another way, as a tramp who Charlie has met without realizing his identity.

These notions, of course, carry their full weight from one author to the next one, and from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to Spectators of the Host, and as the already troublesome alignment of Homestuck gets stacked onto the even more troublesome alignment of Spectators of the Host, you get nothing short of a soap opera.

Sure, there are "narrating" characters, such as Janet Roberts and Roxa Lavigne. Sure, there are "sided with Marrissa" characters, such as Chell Junor and her eventual husband Skepness Man. Sure, there are falmer trollz, such as CadenGallic and Damned Librarian.

And then there's Violet Beauregarde and the host (LOL) of characters she brings with her, who are largely involved in their own affairs and have little regard to everyone else in Spectators of the Host.

This, alongside the many cameos of Spectators of the Host (which might not even be a new thing to the Marrissaverse at this point, as Born Again Christian and THE MARRISSA GAMES have plenty pseudo-cameos of their own), further complicates who is the hero and villain, and since Janet Roberts isn't particularly cut out to be a hero, the story almost always moves on to some other plotline, eventually culminating in the original rivalry of the Marrissaverse, namely that between Marrissa Roberts and GLaDOS.

And if _that_ wasn't enough, apparently they were under disguise as Violet Beauregarde and Willy Wonka/"Wanker" respectively, further diluting whatever _their_ allegiance might be.

 _ **Real Beauty**_

If the sides you had to pick in previous stories were _sort of_ on the spectrum that you know and love, the sides you have to pick _here_ might as well be infrared and ultraviolet. The only familiar character from previous Marrissa stories in Real Beauty is Skepkitty- ahem, "Von Kramer", a known falmer troll whose allegiance carries over to here, where he is the main villain, alongside "Genral Hurt", who opposes the Once-ler and Jane Burnham. This means that there is not much to take away from Real Beauty, and we can move on to:

 _ **HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE**_

With the previous stories largely devolving from what we know to be true about protagonists and antagonists, culminating with Spectators of the Host pretty much obliterating the notion while simultaneously embracing it in-universe, THE KILL OF SNAPE, temporarily, returns to the norm.

This fic, of course, is yet _another_ retelling of TEEN FORTRESS 2 from yet _another_ character's (Wheatly's) perspective, and as with TEEN FORTRESS 2, there are characters that are introduced by THE KILL OF SNAPE, who, by this point, are not even expected to have any sort of relationship with Marrissa Roberts based solely on how they interact with Wheatly. Go ahead, you tell me how Marrissa would perceive Bertha Boombooms or Gobo Fraggle (based solely on what THE KILL OF SNAPE has told). I guarantee, you will come up with nothing.

This means that as far as allegiance goes, THE KILL OF SNAPE can't tell us that much more than TEEN FORTRESS 2.

 _ **Marrissaverse Stories 2015**_

Following the astounding success of Spectators of the Host and the astounding failure of its sequel, Post-SCrash Session 4: Parody of a Parade, we have Marrissaverse Stories 2015, conceived as an "episodic" story that could go on indefinitely, much like Spectators of the Host, but which eventually ended while the year in its title was barely one third of its way through.

Nevertheless, even this relatively short Marrissa fic continues to mud the line between hero and villain, while at the same time establishing rather interesting heuristics that could, perhaps, be used to draw entirely new lines to try and finally make sense of the Marrissaverse and its complicated alignments.

Namely, it reintroduces Marrissa Roberts (of course, under the guise of Violet Beauregarde, once again) and the "for her or against her" mentality that comes along with it.

At first, there is not much to make of Marrissa Picard, a character whose sole purpose is to avenge Violet. But as Violet is revealed to be Marrissa Roberts, the only place for Marrissa Picard to go at this point is to die, just as GLaDOS, Altas and P-Boy, President Snow and many others have done so at Marrissa Roberts's demand.

Furthermore, AG 1945 is introduced, and much like "the past" in TEEN FORTRESS 2 and Night Vale in Spectators of the Host, we know that these characters, just like Principal GLaDOS and Cecil, are neither heroes nor villains; rather, they're simply background that establishes the setting and gives it a unique flair to build the true heroes' stories upon.

 _ **ITS MY LIFE!: THE FLAMES AWAKENS**_

Honestly, as of me writing this, THE FLAMES AWAKENS hasn't progressed enough for me to definitely take anything away from it, and while Insane Guy of DOOM has shared what he has planned to write with me, I respect his privacy and am not talking about anything like that here. Next.

 _ **Meanie Pixies' Quest for Narration**_

(As part of this fic, I'm also including the oneshot that preceded it, The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out.)

Yes, I just changed the name of this very fic in the middle of the fic, yet again. Say what you want, but I was definitely not having a curseword on a subreddit for a children's movie. (We're in /r/insideout, remember? Sort of.)

Like Spectators of the Host, Meanie Pixies' Quest for Narration takes large inspirations from another work of fiction, Inside Out, in which the paradigms are shifted, as our main antagonist is... Joy's narcissism? Depression, which isn't even particularly personified? The point is, it just can't be identified as even being a particular character anymore, and that's what makes Inside Out unique in storytelling.

And of course, Meanie Pixies' Quest for Narration develops upon that, looking at and thoroughly breaking what we expected to be the paradigm of not just Marrissa fic, but _storytelling in general_ from the dawn of time up until this point:

Whoever narrates a story is that story's undoubted protagonist.

Of course, this paradigm was never directly taken from Inside Out ( _it's a movie_ , of _course_ it doesn't have a narrating character). But Meanie Pixies' Quest for Narration looks at it and pretty much takes a dump on it.

Who have been the narrating characters so far? Why, none other than Candacension Pixies, the _villain_ of Post-SCrash Session, and Bertha Boombooms, a _villain_ of THE KILL OF SNAPE. And of course, somehow we're supposed to believe they're on opposing sides.

But when that conflict appears to be on the rise, we switch to an unexpected rivalry between Marrissa Roberts and Principal Business Lady, who both (as we thought previously) were firmly on the "hero" side, quickly followed by the introduction of the person whose allegiance we were trying to find out in the first place: Insane Guy of DOOM.

So, with what we know as of now, where does Insane Guy of DOOM stand?

That depends on a paradigm that, so far, has not yet been broken: that of relativity, that is, a hero and a villain will have opposing ideologies.

And of course, the only candidate for Insane Guy of DOOM to have a conflict of ideologies with is none other than Principal Business Lady herself.

However, Business Lady herself is in an unclear position, as she hasn't narrated Quest for Narration yet, and therefore can't be classed as its hero.

But then again, neither can either of its narrators.

Therefore, Quest for Narration is stuck in a permanent limbo, with no true heroes or villains.

Only lengthy rants which only serve to establish the aforementioned lack.

* * *

So, that's that. Does what I said make Insane Guy of DOOM a villain? Depends on what you see in the fic. In the way that he opposes Business Lady, yes, he is a villain. But at the same time, he is the same as Violet Beauregarde, Skepness Man, Business Lady and even Marrissa Roberts herself: just another character in a series of fics that continues to push the boundary of what is and is not a story, what is and is not a plot, and of course, what is and is not a protagonist/antagonist.

Also, a point to consider: this piece is actually longer than On Emotional Biology, Gender and Procreation, meaning that in my mind, MarrissaTheWriter takes a higher position than _sex_. Just another confirmation that I might be either ace or demi.

Up next: _Why Inside Out has been forced into the plot it has and as such, a sequel is unlikely_

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[-] **CondyPixies** [Disgust flair] 2 points an hour ago

SURF-ER SINL-ESS C)(RIST W)(AT T)(-E GLUB W)(AT IS T)(IS WALL OF T-E)(T

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[-] **artifiocularGambler** [Sadness flair] 2 points an hour ago

You just show me, I will absolutely 8uild upon Logic Editor's emotions and there WILL 8e heroes and villains in Inside Out 2.

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| [-] **tkornfeld** [Anger flair] 0 points an hour ago

| Who's Logic Editor?

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[-] **Tetra3** [Joy flair] 0 points an hour ago

Great work once again, AS! Then again, I'm not a real person and therefore can be manipulated to say whatever the author of these words wants, and since they coincide with the "AS" person I'm praising, the praise itself is meaningless.

I also would pose some questions here, but frankly I don't have any.

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	6. Bigger Cities are Better

**MEANIE PIXIES' QUEST FOR NARRATION**

Chapter 5: Bigger Cities are Better

* * *

Bertha Boombooms listened patiently to what Insane Guy of DOOM had to say about the Lettucest fandom, and then turned to the crowd as he jumped off. Because she is me. I never gave away the narration; it was just a trick to completely fool Candacension, and it would seem she fell right for it. Bertha Boombooms said. Because I know my name and can say it, and furthermore, can say sentences in the third person.

 _Anyway, so he jumpe_ d down and Principal Business Lady and Caroline blasted off in their TARDIS and The Lettucest Fandom tried to do their thing but then Business Lady's invention shocked them and made them go to school. Business Lady herself didn't go though since she decided to delegate her wife (whom she hates to a degree, but not enough to get a divorce because she is especially religious in Gloria Deschanel and doesn't believe in divorce), Temporary Principal Glaveria Mellark. And since I was still a youngster and not a Portal High School student just yet that meant that I and Louise could go our own places.

We thus decided to take the bus to an actually big city that isn't as small and as much of a joke as the city of Portal High School and which has an actual mall. As small town girls having forced to live under the shadow of that city it was a dream come true and the mall had everything from A to Z so when we came Louise decided to run away to the hall and shop of mirrors but eventually she got lost in mirrors and since she felt being watched by other people and she does not like that (just yet LOL) she decided to go to a dressing room made out of mirrors and spent her time there I don't particularly care.

What I do care about is televisions and so I sat down in this room with a television that's for sale for a ridiculous amount like $10,000 but those were good because they really gave the impression of being on the set and the channel I came to love the most during my life here was HBO's Last Week Tonight with John Oliver so I turned on that and the show began.

 _LAST  
_ _WEEK  
_ _TONIGHT  
_ _with JOHN OLIVER_

 _Fusions. A topic that might be seen unusual by some, but nevertheless, I assure you that it is so ingrained in our minds now that you didn't even realize that it's completely not normal to your world and also that you are not watching a Last Week Tonight video, you are reading a MarissaTheWriter fanfic. Come on, snap out of it._ The laugh track played and I knew this was going to be a good one since I kind of could relate to it being a fan of Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez's work. _And also, if you are that desperate since we're off and looking for a John Oliver video in a trollfic, fuck you even more._

 _Anyway._

 _In particular, one attempt at fusion has garnered a lot of attention recently._ The HBO then switched to a live broadcast from Wonkavision News since the two were related to some degree and then I saw what I hoped I would never see on telly... Wonkavision News was broadcasting from Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry! This meant that this entire viewing was worthless and I could just plain switch to the BCGI security cameras since I don't need no Wonkavision News since I have a vendetta against them so I switched.

Then though those "do you need any help" guys came and said that this is actually confidential footage so I switched back to HBO and decided instead of switching the channels to switch the narrations again. But don't get mistaken. It is still me, and not some arbitrary third person. For you see, I AM THE THIRD PERSON.

Switch!

* * *

In Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry Chell Junor was trying to enjoy the company of Linux Travolta and Stephanie Universe and they were working on the project and it was working out great but then the fake Violet (remember she still lives in BCGI and never moved away and everyone just KEEPS FORGETTING ABOUT HER but not me) went over to the scene! "Hey how are you doing" she said and her mere age scared everyone so much that Linux almost stepped back into the chocolate river (that also still exists and is not to be forgotten) and Stephanie combusted into two children!

"OH MY GOD COULD THOSE NOT BE STEVEN UNIVERSE AND CONNIE I CAN'T SPELL AN INDIAN NAME TO SAVE MY LIFE!" Chell Junor fangirl squealed in excitement but then the two children who were a boy and a girl (that's why they're a they as Stephanie) stepped up and "sans." from the Undertale OST began playing. "No lol we're actually original characters by MarissaTheWriter called _Stanley_ Universe and _Phony_ Indian Name." Stanley said and Phony added "Yeah, not to be confused!" in a bitchy way that is not like Connie at all because these are original characters by me (AN: DO NOT STEAL! =P)

Chell Junor went into an even more emotional crying fit. "Why can't everything be the way I want it to be why did Skepness Man and Flashlight Girl have to die and now I don't even get to meet all my favorite fictional characters because they're stuck in some other people's minds" and then she was hit with a bright idea. "Hey, what if I can just plain _teleport_ into other people's minds? After all so far speshul powers have always worked in my favor" she said and acrobatic fucking pirouetted into Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez's mind.

Linux, Stanley and Phony just blindly stared at the teleportation and Linux said "So, work on SkepneLight continues?" and Stanley and Phony nodded and re-collided into Stephanie and continued working.

I thought that hopefully SkepneLight should be able to combust into two people the way Stephanie can but then realized that the actual work is going to be boring as hell so I switched back to HBO but they were already broadcasting something else so there was not much use for me in this mall anymore so I just took Louise and we went out.

TO BE CONTINUED


	7. Beep Boop I'm a Robot

_We  
_ _Are the Crystal Gems  
We'll always save the day  
And if you think we can't  
We'll always find a way_

Chell Junor suddenly appeared on Bitch City but then she saw some van speed up and another girl was running after it and Chell Junor was like "Wait wait WAIT FOR ME!"

 _That's why the people of this world  
_ _Believe in_

Chell Junor finally had made it onto the beach where everyone had gathered.

 _Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl  
_ AND STEVEN!

 _STEVEN UNIVERSE  
created by REBECCA SUGAR-VASQUEZ_

* * *

 _BEEP BOOP I'M A ROBOT  
episode storyboarded by SHELBY CRAGG and AMBER ROGERS_

 _featuring SHELBY CRAGG as PERIDOT_

 _and CHELL JUNOR ROBERTS and REBECCA SUGAR-VASQUEZ as THEMSELVES_

 _executive director IAN JONES-BURNETT_

* * *

Chell Junor once again found herself on the broadway of Bitch City. "Oh thank god that was just the intro I was getting freaked out for no real reason" she said but then realized the camera wasn't pointing at her instead it was pointing at Steven and Amethyst enjoying fry bits like they always do and Peridot tried joining in but couldn't shapeshift a digestive system so she tried tagging along and pretending she is a human despite the peridot (LOL) on her forehead.

Suddenly though Amethyst noticed Chell Junor just hanging right there. "Hey check it out! As I was talking in my fighting lessons handles like this are a no-no because of THIS!" She whipped her whip and caught Chell Junor by one of her handles like Wheatly's and was able to drag her mercilessly. "Weird that looks nothing like a gem" Amethyst said and Peridot tried to make a joke like "But you do know what she does look like? A CLOD!" but no one laughed and there was no laugh track either.

Amethyst whipped the whip again and Chell Junor was pulled in and Amethyst extended her arms slightly so that she would be able to catch Chell Junor by her handles and Chell Junor couldn't do anything in particular since those handles were immobile and vestigial. "Man you don't look like anything in this world." Amethyst said and Chell Junor spit back out "That's because I'm the robot ball/human baby of Marrissa Roberts and Wheatly Potter from ITS MY LIFE! and-" "Oooooooooh" Amethyst oooooooohed.

"You're like Steven Universe in that case. He's the Crystal Gem/human baby of Greg Universe and Rose Quartz from this verse and he gets to have a show named after him which you should know since you're right IN IT" Amethyst maniacally laughed. Steven stepped up to her with expression like put her down and Peridot decided she wasn't particularly wanted so instead she went out on a date with Ronaldo and it was very romantic.

"No, put her down! She is harmless! We could hang out with her!" Steven tried to defend Chell Junor and Amethyst was just like "Yeah, you like her because you're just LIKE her get it" and this time there was an actual laugh track. Steven was left with no other choice so he took out his shield and sliced Amethyst's arms off and because she is a complete pussy she poofed. Steven wanted to help Chell Junor up from falling like "are you okay"? but Chell Junor was instead looking at Steven with stars in her eyes.

"I never realized how much alike we are." Chell Junor said and Steven laughed it off. "I'm sorry you had to meet the worst Crystal Gem but I bet Pearl and Garnet will be much better company!" He giggled and led Chell Junor to the Crystal Temple where Pearl was dusting stuff off and Garnet was on a gem mission so she wasn't there. When they entered though Pearl freaked out and dropped dust everywhere and scolded Steven "Steven, you know how important it is to not have dust in your food or toys? I Hate Everything has even proclaimed that everyone hates dust and that includes you! And who is this gem monster with you?" and Steven tried to defend himself like "Oh come on dust isn't so bad" " _YES. IT. IS._ " Pearl deathglared and Chell Junor backed away but then she realized what to do.

"Well if you want to get rid of dust why don't you just do this" Chell Junor teleported all the dust in the room to the ocean and dropped it on Malachite who was there somewhere so she coughed and unfused to Lapis and Jasper. Pearl tried to defend her position like "Well because the dust is not on a warppad and we Crystal Gems don't have the power to just teleport stuff from arbitrary places" and then Steven went up to her all sorry holding Amethyst's gem and she grounded him by forcing him to recount all his saddest memories so the two went away and Chell Junor was left alone.

Eventually though Garnet came back from her mission and immediately noticed that someone other than her was around and she stood up. Garnet Future Visioned "You're Chell Junor Roberts." and continued to horoscope "You come here to seek consolation after the death of your beloved one, but feel like your time might be limited. Also, that thing on your ring is not a real gem" she pointed to Chell Junor's wedding ring she was wearing and it had a sapphire on it to match Skepness Man's ruby since they both watched Steven Universe. (It had been replaced as of the 10th anniversary that's why it can be a SU reference)

"Well, yes, I suppose... Wait, what's that?" Chell Junor finally noticed the Crystal Temple's door and that its star had six points instead of five and so did the stars of every Crystal Gem around her which I suppose means that Steven wore the Star of David but he's not David so it was wrong. At any rate Chell Junor wondered who the sixth Crystal Gem (Garnet counts as two because she's two lesbians in an overcoat trying to sneak into an R-rated movie) was and then she stepped out in all her beauty.

She had a dress much like Rose Quartz's white but did not have the star cutout because that is gross and instead the star kind of spanned the entire body and also was upside down and five-pointed again and black. She instantly recognized who was standing before her and wasn't Garnet "Oh! You must be the Inside Out girl. Chell Joy, right?" "Actually it's Chell Junor but I feel like she might want to stick with your variant" Garnet reported from the future and Chell Junor thought to herself. As she thought though the other one introduced herself "Hey, I'm Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez. Well, I guess I'm the representation of Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez in her own mind, but that is about as good as we're going to get."

Chell Junor then noticed something wrong with Rebecca... she was not pregnant anymore! "You're not-" she began and Garnet finished "Yes." and Rebecca instantly knew what the deal was going on. "Well of course I'm not pregnant all the time that's why my representation isn't pregnant but that kind of does force an issue. You see my child was due on August 15th and it's been two weeks so I might go into labor any second and when I do I won't be able to maintain this imaginary world anymore as there will only be pain so I want you to teleport out or otherwise you will suffer the same pain that I will and I don't want you to" Rebecca maintained and Chell Junor nodded.

Of course though before they could exchange anything else it started and Bitch City started collapsing and Chell Junor felt the pain so she teleported out but couldn't teleport properly in pain so she shot wherever.

* * *

Chell Junor appeared in the hospital where Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez was giving birth. With her were her two polyamorous husbands Jhonen Eggert-Vasquez and Ian Jones-Burnett because that is a valid form of love and I want it to be a valid form of marriage so it is in this fantasy world. Of course it isn't fantasy to anyone involved so you get me.

Even when outside of Rebecca's mind the whole process was still painful for Chell Junor to watch so she had no choice but to suffer but eventually it was over and Rebecca was together with her and Jhonen's child. "Oh baby Steven how do I love you" she said but then the doctor Mrs. Mediks Mom said "um, no, it's actually a girl" and everyone laughed since this is all kind of what happened in Rebecca's story on which she ended up basing the show Steven Universe. "Quick thinking what was Steven's mom's name again" and since SU existed in Rebecca's mind once again she could answer "Rose Quartz?" "Then Rose Quartz Vasquez it is" and everyone laughed again because the only people deserving of that much Zs are the falmer trollzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Rose Quartz Vasquez though only laughed because there was an amazing life coming up ahead of her and Chell Junor realized that she needs to be introduced to her half-brother Cranky Vasquez somehow!

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED


	8. Nemiga City

**MEANIE PIXIES' QUEST FOR NARRATION**  
Chapter 6: Nemiga City

* * *

And thus, Chell Junor came to me. Because I am in charge of the narration now and that means I can relay anything and everything to everyone in the universe no matter how contactable/uncontactable they were. Also since I and Louise were back in the city of Portal High School we had access to the Time Police's car which let's face it is never going to be made to a PokéStop since Niantic closed down requests for PokéStops when Pokémon Go was still called Ingress. Of course we could always go back in time and do that during what I began calling the Ingress Era but I suppose that we would do that only after we were done checking out whatever Chell Junor wanted.

So, I, Louise and Chell Junor- "Hey wait a minute" I said to Chell Junor "So do you want to be called that Chell Joy thing?" "Sure! After a visit to Rebecca's mind I realized that while people die people are born as well and that means there is no reason to be sad for any reason and that means I should just put on a smile for all times" Chell Joy said and I agreed. I made sure that she went back to the hospital and took pictures of Rose Quartz Vasquez and then we all sat down and I set the coordinates to Cranky Vasquez. Or Surfer Sinless, I guess? I half-expect him to just drop that name like one of his essay rants, like Aranna did. I still like the surname Boombooms, though.

At any rate we three the happy team blasted off and for some reason Chell Joy really kept weirdly smiling this whole period of time for no apparent reason so that was weird. We passed through dream bubbles and all of them were still the same and this time no important people were inside so we considered that a waste of time and I kind of wanted to bring a portal gun to just create a portal between Altair and Earth but I was closer to Altair than to Earth now so that would have to wait until my next trip there.

We finally reached Altair and looked over everything since we were unfamilar with Belarus nor Altair and that meant we knew nothing about what was new and not. At first we couldn't even find the capital because that planet is about the size of planet fucking Jupiter and you know that's big because it's ten times the width of the Earth and that means areas multiply even more. But then Mitt Romney Cape-Torn used his hacker skills and found our car and just beamed us up to the capital where some others were waiting.

The capital was a booming advanced city of technology kind of like the trailer of Hiveswap (AN THATS THE THING FLASHLIGHT GIRL COMES FROM). We also learned that it was called "Nemiga City" because this song was playing in the background alongside the Trixie Tetris ads:

Немига Сити  
В нашей новой Беларусь  
Немига Сити

which sounded kind of like Summer Night City by ABBA but since it was in a foreign language and remember foreign languages don't exist on our planet we knew we were on a whole new planet and Chell Joy GENUINELY smiled for the first time since she lost Skepness Man.

Since us arriving from the Earth was a novelty many zapped to the court where our car was parked and I recognized a face it was... Lately Pirate! She was with her mom Spectatress Pirate and her younger sibling Trapezi Pirate and they all were very clearly disappointed in Altair. "I want a planet like Belarus where everything is not as convenient and you actually have to work hard to get to where you want to be" Spectatress delivered and I thought about the Earth and whether or not it would suit her. But then Lately decided to take the initiative and rudely took the car from us and zapped away back to Earth.

"Well shit." Chell Joy suddenly stopped smiling. We started worryingly looking around each other so that someone would help us but then we saw her and suddenly knew that we were on our own and no one was helping us anytime soon. Candacension Pixies stepped to us and proclaimed in her voice which I grew to hate every time I heard it but also because it was changing from all the people she killed because in Altair there are now arbitrary rules by which you would be killed but Candacension began abhorring the word "kill" itself and replaced it with "cull" but that is irrelevant since we're main characters and that means we can't be killed nor culled.

"This is between me and Bertha. You may now explore Altair during the next chapter." Candacension said and I knew that shit was going down since she was breaking the fourth wall as well or well what is left of it to break. Thus, Chell Joy and Louise stepped down to the main city streets to try and find a phonebook to try and find Cranky while Candacension and I went even higher up the highrise and we could oversee the action and buzzing in even more detail.

"There is something we really need to talk about, right now. This concerns our very world's future." Candacension said and I realized that by the world she meant all the universes that I ever visited and those that I could only hope to visit.

TO BE CONTINUED


	9. Last One Out of the Marrissaverse

**MEANIE PIXIES' QUEST FOR NARRATION**

Chapter 7: Last One Out of the Marrissaverse

* * *

The trip to Candacension's office was neat and we were in a glass elevator (just like Willy Wanker's one but cooler since it was from an alien planet because as a matter of fact we are still on an alien planet) in a glass shaft in a glass building with distinct colored lights that were not made out of glass so besides those lights we could see everything in Nemiga City. Its trolls were probably minding their own business and looked at the details as being a boring part of everyday life but as Altair itself was new to me I was as excited as ever.

I admired the beauty that the Altairan people had created even if they kept being boring but then I realized that there was something wrong with the way i perceived Altair. With how we focused on these two teams of twelve trolls Belarus and Altair always struck me as rural and yet as of the first trailer of Hiveswap they were proven to have booming cities and train stations and ports and airports and spaceports and everything therefore some time must have passed.

We finally arrived at the very top of the highrise which was where Candacension's office was and we sat down in coutches made from the blood of culled wrigglers and some grownup trolls as well. Candacension was kind to explain to me "Ever since that first kill when I as a distinct being came to life I've always felt the need to kill. I have no idea why and just so my killing doesn't get out of hand I asked for the trolls to gather numbers and reproduce and make cities so that when my thirst for blood is satiated we still have a civilization around." And then I thought the need to ask "Wait, how old are you?"

"Well, Bertha, it has been 388 solar sweeps since we last met and Meanie/Janet was already like 26 Earth years old when Skepness Man and Flashlight Girl died which is 12 solar sweeps and before that Meanie still had 13 solar sweeps so I guess around 413 solar sweeps" and we both giggled because it came so nicely to an arc number even after all this math but then Candacension got serious. "There is no time pointing out numbers that were inevitably going to occur; there is a much more pressing matter we need to discuss" and I got serious as well and therefore I let Candacension begin.

"You see, during this time I had been preoccupied with more than just mindless killing. Killing is fun, but not having an alive population to kill subtracts from that fun, so instead I searched for other things to occupy my time with, and eventually I discovered a passion for reading. Meanie, on her own, could never read more than a single pesterlog, but since I am much more than Meanie ever was, I was able to read big and relevant texts. Such as Enchiridion Marrissa and Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History" and I nodded because I agreed that those were the two big, relevant books that you should read as well. But then Candacension continued.

"But there was more to it, even in Skepness Man's own bibliography (which is a word I picked up from the MarrissaTheWriter Wiki and I still have no idea what it means). Such as The Blueberry's Child. And then, there were stories that Skepness Man didn't write, like ITS MY LIFE! and THE MARRISSA GAMES." I o-mouthed because these two names were unfamiliar even to me (well at least THE MARRISSA GAMES was because ITS MY LIFE! is a name in the subtitle to Enchiridion Marrissa) and that meant that there must be a writer other than Skepness Man around!

"As I read more and more, I began to notice a distinct trend: that there are certain moments that are captured within these words and everything else must be derived from them. I, for one, have never found a story which would feature me as the main character, or even a character that appears. Well, except for my Meanie Pixies days, but those are long in the past and I do not feel unity with whoever Meanie Pixies was, so there." It was at this point in the conversation that I had to switch to an entirely different way of thinking to get what she was saying.

"You think that I want and that Meanie wanted narration for selfish purposes, and you are right. But before you smile again or laugh at my words, I think I should point out that I realized that you are only partially right. Making your own mark in history is selfish, yes, but it also helps in providing everyone with an objective view of the world which I have come to known as the Marrissaverse from everyone's point of view, and that means that no one should be excluded." Yeah, well, if you think that you will trick me into thinking I am contributing to some ulterior cause by giving away the narration, you are wrong.

In fact, I will probably make you go on a quest for narration, just like the title says. Also, quests are a thing that common citizens do and by making you go on the quest, you will learn what it means to be a common citizen. Maybe then you will stop being such a meanie (LOL) and stop killing people just because you can and just because that means that you can take their psychic powers. (Bertha's note: Yes, that was important enough to be a whole paragraph. Also, I just realized that I can write like this to mean an author's note or whatever a serious writing note is.)

"It seems that we will have to approach this from an entirely different angle, Bertha Boombooms." Candacension said and instead began to tell my life story. "After all, stories are set in stone and you cannot change their words. And since I also read HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE, I know how you will end up. You will end up practicing bulimia and then getting exposed in a pony scandal and losing all followers and sewisiding."

"Yeah, well, I don't care about myself anymore. I know that once this story is over, my spotlight will also be over." I said.

"But there must be someone you care about. Such as Chell Junor Roberts" she said, not realizing that she was now Chell Joy Roberts "and Louise Boombooms, trapped down in the streets without a viable time machine to get back to their own planet." I did wonder what was going on with them and decided to switch my point of view to them but only then realized that this was my goof and that Candacension had tricked me.

Damn you, Candacension.

TO BE CONTINUED


	10. Alphas

**MEANIE PIXIES' QUEST FOR NARRATION**

Chapter 8: Alphas

* * *

Luckily due to the nature of my goof I had an entire chapter break to plan out my switch of perspective that was inevitably going to occur and thus I decided that we would not be switching to Chell Joy and my pseudo-sister. Instead, I switched to Linux Travolta and Stephanie Universe (or Stanley and Phony or whatever) in Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry.

Let's just face the fact that currently, they're the most interesting characters to look at as of right now. And their experiments must be leading to something, right?

"Wrong," said Alphas.

Who is Alphas?

Well, who are the Alpha Kids?

That's right - they're Janet Roberts, Jack London, Roxa Lavigne and Dick Stiller. Unfortunately, they're currently too busy being their respective trolls, Meanie/Candacension Pixies, Chronos Ampersand, Whores the Hock and Merlin LeJoin, but luckily, their essence was still floating around Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry and Linux and Stephanie picked it up and made them into one being who for some reason is a dinosaur with a labcoat.

And who apparently rants about anime. That's literally the best part of everything.

"You're entirely wrong about Mew Mew Kissy Cutie not being the best that human fiction has to offer. Sure, Skepness Man's works deliver an entirely new insight into the universe that they're written in, but they don't hold a candle against the romances and savings of the day that occur in Mew Mew Kissy Cutie. It's only a shame that the producers of such a delicately exquisite work of fiction decided to completely ruin it with the sequel, but I digress."

"Just- no, okay." Linux didn't even think of how to go about defending his own opinion, but fuck if he wasn't going to force Alphas to work. "We are currently working on this fusion project and you're just a side creation. We need to make the souls of Skepness Man and Flashlight Girl into a single being, which we have nicknamed SkepneLight. Can you do that for us?"

"Of course. I'm the fusion master." And thus, work continued with Alphas in the lead and Linux being the weird sidekick to the whole thing.

Stephanie Universe, though, was too busy playing with their Samsung Universe. They was just too distracted by whatever was going on in their phone.

And I still don't know how to use "they" as a pronoun correctly.

* * *

With Alphas's help the whole mad science project at Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry went much faster and SkepneLight was nearly done. They just needed to plug some stuff into it so that it experiences everything Skepness Man and Flashlight Girl ever did so that it wouldn't come out of its shell and be like "wait what is this and who am I".

But then as Stephanie plugged the stuff they split in two once again. "Why did this happen?" Stanley asked Phony.

"I don't care why, let's just get back together and get over it." Phony answered.

"But we can't." Stanley realized that at this point, they couldn't fuse and their longlasting relationship was finally broken.

"Look at me." Alphas said, shutting both Stanley and Phony up. "I am doing perfectly fine while being four souls at the same time, and let me tell you that those souls are in very complicated romances. TL;DR: Janet is matesprits with Dick, and Roxa is matesprits with Jack. Janet is moirails with Jack, and Dick is moirails with Roxa. Janet is kismeses with Roxa, and Dick is kismeses with Jack. You think this tangled relationship combo doesn't tear me apart every living moment of my life? It does! But you have to learn to live with it."

Stanley and Phony and Stephanie all stood speechless.

"While you were speechless, I already supplied SkepneLight with the necessary information and now we can turn her on. Voi fucking la." Alphas flipped a switch and SkepneLight came to life.

"I am SkepneLight and my purpose is…"

"To be even better than each of your parts and especially better than the sum of your parts." Alphas filled her in.

"That." SkepneLight took her time to walk around Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry and the Chewing Gum Room and the Inventing Room and the Salt Room and the Studio and most and firstly importantly the lab where she was created so that she would be recognizing it as her home. Then SkepneLight returned to Alphas and said "You."

"My name is Alphas. What do you want from me?"

"Since I'm part Skepness Man, that means that I'm part CEO of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry and that means that I can call shit. Here goes: You are my official new scientist, and Linux and Stephanie are fired. Or Linux and Stanley and Phony. I don't care for that kid who can't even keep themselves together." SkepneLight smiled. Alphas smiled back, while Linux, Stanley and Phony decided to leave, groaning and swearing that they will once make a project that will put SkepneLight to shame.

* * *

Alright, I'm tired of this work of fiction as well. Let's just jump to Louise London and Chell Joy and be done with it.

TO BE CONTINUED


	11. Grubbles XD

**MEANIE PIXIES' QUEST FOR NARRATION**

Chapter 9: Grubbles XD (AN: THAT IS NOT A SMILEY THAT IS THE FIRST LETTERS OF THEIR NAMES)

* * *

Chell Joy and Louise Boombooms were walking around in the streets of the very bottom layer of Nemiga City before the underground layers begin and they were looking pretty hopeless because such a big and advanced city has grown beyond the need for such things as phones and phone booths and phonebooks so Chell Joy and Louise couldn't find any. "Ugh this way we are never going to find Cranky Vasquez" Louise screamed and then Chell Joy got to think with her super detective power.

"No Louise you see the problem is we're too far into the future and in this time Cranky Vasquez is long dead. (Because mutant bloods don't have very long lifespans remember) We need to go back in time somehow" Chell Joy said but before she could finish Louise exclaimed. "And since The Time Police's car has been stolen by Spectatress and Lately there is no way we are going to get back home. Weh" she cried and since Chell Joy is very compassionate she tried to think of a way to calm Louise down for an entire second before she started crying as well.

After they both cried their tear duct contents out though they noticed that there was a concert hall nearby and since they realized that music sometimes spans universes like Avril Lavigne they could find a portal home that way! "Come on let's go" Chell Joy said and Louise realized "And if there isn't a portal home there will be some music to rave to!" so they went.

The concert hall was expansive and pretty and covered with lights and since it was 12th Perigee's Eve (AN THAT IS THE TROLL WORD FOR CHRISTMAS) time the lights were especially even more colorful and we liked them and they blinked letting us know that they liked us back. I and Louise took some seats and the waiter served us Troll Sprite and we drank and we waited for the actual concert to begin.

These two trolls came on stage and introduced themselves as the best band in Belarus Nouveau and they are known as... The Grubbles! Everyone from the planet got excited and we got excited too even though we're not from the planet because we were going to experience the best that this planet has to offer and we cheered and the two trolls bowed and then introduced themselves as Xipher Triton and Dammit (DAMMEK I FORGOT WHAT HIS LAST NAME WAS). They bowed again and prepared and the Nemiga City theme shut off because it was time to rock like they do on Belarus Nouveau.

The song that they were playing was Broom Temperature (LISTEN TO IT ON THE HOMESTUCK YOUTUBE! =P) and it was a really touching piece about how the prejudice on the planet was running rampant and that lowbloods can deliver good stuff as well. We cheered and everyone else cheered except some highbloods they were pissed that their system was being mocked so they threw this platform on the stage and Dammit stepped on it while singing the chorus and he extended his arms to greet the audience because he thought that this was a symbol of honor but little did he know that it was actually a portal to our universe and he was beamed by it!

Instead of Dammit this they appeared on stage and they looked kind of Skepness Man and Flashlight Girl if they was fusion. They was... SkepneLight! (Except we didn't know what their full name was) They looked around and said "What is this and where is Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry" and Xipher was all confused and the troll culprit stepped up on the stage but was careful not to step on the platform. This time we kind of did recognize her from the ads that were plastered all over the place she was... Trixie Tetris!

Trixie was very condescending (because she was Candacension's current hairless) and said "We are very sorry to have the loss of Dammit and the gain of this girl who frankly looks like Dammit so maybe that is not a teleporter but rather a genderswapper" and Chell Joy realized that Trixie was acting offensive towards SkepneLight and the concept of "they" in general so she had to be called out! Chell Joy glowed strongly like the speshul powers and went on stage and pushed Trixie so she fell towards the platform that she threw and was zapped away to what Chell Joy presumed was Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry but then she realized that... Trixie's weight had broken the portal thing so Chell Joy and Louise couldn't use it to get back home!

"Well shit." Chell Joy switched through her powers to see if any single one of them would help to fix the portal but then she paused on the power that helps her jump into people's minds that she just used to jump into Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez's mind. She wondered if this power would work across universes so she powered up just to test it and it seemed it would work! She smiled and nabbed Louise and SkepneLight so that they both could get into the mind and they zapped away and the stage was left with Xipher being as confused as ever.

"So, refund?" A highblood troll (but not Trixie since Trixie was zapped away to Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry remember) said.

* * *

Meanwhile at Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry Alphas was witness to the most strange event with these two trolls Dammit and Trixie arriving so Alphas did what she could and showed them anime. The three watched anime in the Chewing Gum Room and discussed it and nothing was there to disturb them since the portal platform thing was broken so no one more could arrive and Alphas decided to throw the companion portal platform thing to the chocolate river because it was that useless.

I then checked through settings. Portal High School was A-OK as well and so was Welcome to Night Vale (which of course is mentioned in this fic for the very first time if you exclude the Reddit essay) was also as fine as a desert city in the middle of nowhere in the middle of reality distortion land could be. Only then did I switch to Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez's mind where Chell Joy, Louise and SkepneLight were.

TO BE CONTINUED


	12. Someone Just End This Fic Already

_We_  
 _Are the Crystal_

AN: No.

* * *

 **MEANIE PIXIES' QUEST FOR NARRATION**

Chapter 10: Someone Just End This Fic Already

* * *

Chell Joy, Louise Boombooms and SkepneLight appeared in Bitch City because that is the place which is Rebecca Sugar's mind and maybe there are emotions somewhere in that water tower I haven't decided yet but they are not going to visit it so whatever. They appeared and looked around and saw none of the familiar Steven Universe characters because they were in Steven's house chilling. Chell Joy thus said "Maybe the Steven Universe characters will be good company with us!" but Louise just looked meanly because she didn't watch Steven Universe and SkepneLight's eye (but just one eye) got starry because Skepness Man watched Steven Universe but Flashlight Girl did not.

The Flashlight Girl side of SkepneLight then asked "Maybe you can take us to the real city of Portal High School and not this bullshit?" and then Skepness Man remembered that SkepneLight didn't want to be in the city of Portal High School because they're half leader of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry which is in Tbilisi, Georgia so they needed to be there. SkepneLight slapped their self and Chell Joy got what the image is and teleported them right outside Portal High School. Just before she teleported them though she said "I am staying in Rebecca's mind though since I want to chill with Garnet" and then she teleported everyone out and then teleported herself in.

Chell Joy knocked on Steven's door and Garnet answered. "You're back." Garnet said and Chell Joy revealed that she had been plagued with thoughts because Skepness Man had died and SkepneLight was cool and new (LOL) but wasn't exactly a replacement. "Well if you need thoughts to be sorted out you hit the right gem fusion" she said and kicked Pearl, Amethyst and Steven out of the house because this was a moment of personality between Chell Joy and Garnet only. They appeared in a blue crystal place where thought butterflies flew (AN THAT IS SO TOTALLY A CANON PART OF INSIDE OUT BECAUSE I SAID SO) and the song began.

 _Take a moment to think of just_  
 _Flexibility, love, and trust_  
 _Take a moment to think of just_  
 _Flexibility, love, and trust_

AN: I AM NOT GOING TO POST THE REST OF THIS SONG BECAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER THE LYRICS EXACTLY AND IT'S NOT RELEVANT TO THE STORY JUST LOOK THEM UP

Garnet and Chell Joy danced in the blue space and got to enjoy thoughts even the bad ones because that is a Christian principle and because Skepness Man was a Second Christian Chell Joy respected his religion and loved her enemies or whatever the hell.

At any rate the song was over and Garnet and Chell Joy were laying in the blue space but they forgot what was happening in the real world (well what is real to the Crystal Gems anyway) and they realized they had accidentally fused just like Chell Joy's aunt who was also named Chell and grandma GLaDOS because that fusion and this fusion that we're dealing with here in Steven Universe anyway you get what I am saying and now I need to explicitly say what happened so you get it so here it is in the next paragraph:

Garnet and Chell Joy had fused to Garnell Joy.

Garnell Joy quickly realized her goof and spontaneously combusted back into Garnet and Chell Joy. Though the combustion had to be complete and what instead appeared were Ruby and Sapphire and Chell Joy but Ruby and Sapphire hate being apart so they refused to Garnet. Chell Joy though was suddenly overtaken by an influx of information so she held herself to her head and Garnet quickly super detectived to try and realize what is wrong.

"I know what is wrong with you now." Garnet said. "When we fused you were converted to a gem so that wedding ring is now a real gemstone. And since it is a sapphire you have future vision just like Sapphire." She concluded being satisfied with herself and Chell Joy retorted "It's not just that. I am also the daughter of Marrissa Roberts and Wheatly and Marrissa Roberts had speshul powers and Wheatly used to be the powerful wizard Harry Potter so now I've got the powers of them both in addition to Sapphire's and it's just being too much" she said and transformed like a Super Saiyan.

The new Chell Joy finally calmed down. "I know my purpose in this universe. It is to go through relevant information and discard everything that is irrelevant." She didn't care much for Garnet anymore so she zapped out of Rebecca's mind back into the real world and looked around and that's it I'm out of here let's focus on something else.

"But you failed." Chell Joy said ominously and I went oh shit. "I am in control of everything. That includes the narration. You might still be the first person, but I am now truly in control and no one can show me who's boss. That, though, also means that Meanie Pixies can't take back the narration in her quest for narration because there is nothing to take there is only me."

Yeah. What about Meanie Pixies? Her name was in the title since the beginning and we just kind of forgot about her.

"She is irrelevant now. As are you. As is everyone else in this planet that now belongs to me and I will extract relevant information".

Why do you keep saying that? What is even relevant? Is your family still relevant?

"Yeah. About my family. My children. What happened to Violet Beauregarde, Jr. and Charlie Roberts?"

It's not like I'm telling you. I have no idea about them. You're the super powerful one with like a bajillion powers that nobody can count anymore. You're the biggest Mary Sue of the Marrissaverse, and that's saying something since the Marrissaverse is still named after Marrissa Roberts.

"My mother was a great person, but yeah, you're right. I'm powerful as Android Hell and the inverted Marrissaverse and that universe Skepness Man once traveled to and pretty much every other universe. And to do that, I will take control from you in three. Two. One."

Chell Joy said, being in control of the narration. She decided to keep the third person, though, confusing everybody but herself.

Chell Joy then skipped to the next point in time.

TO BE CONTINUED


	13. Another Wedding

**MEANIE PIXIES' QUEST FOR NARRATION**

Chapter 11: Another Wedding

* * *

Chell Joy appeared in an environment. Since she was so powerful she didn't even need to look around to realize that this was the wedding of her son Charlie Roberts. Wondering who he was going to marry, she super detectived and realized it was Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez's daughter, Rose Quartz Vasquez.

Her train of thought was interrupted, though, as someone bumped into her, not realizing that she literally can appear out of thin air. That someone was... Principal Business Lady but she looked noticeably older because this was the future. Since Chell Joy is not Skepness Man and is not the inventor of the Anno Glorii calendar system, she didn't wonder what year it was and left the question for no one because she is in control of the narration.

"Chell Junor! You've literally disappeared out of everyone's sight for 20 years! Pretty much everyone would think you died but I know better because of your speshul powers of Marrissa and Wheatly" Principal Business Lady nervously said and Chell Joy first added "I am actually Chell Joy now since Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez suggested that name and second you might want to add Sapphire to that list." Principal Business Lady thought about what sort of powers Sapphire would have which let Chell Joy turn to other matters such as realizing Skepness Man's timeline anyway and realizing that 20 years later Principal Business Lady would not be alive and instead there would be either Principal InterdimensionalPortaller or Portal Labs she couldn't remember which one right now.

"You should have disappeared out of everyone's sight too" Chell Joy said and Business Lady only answered "Time travel." and both of them laughed because in the Marrissaverse time travel is the answer to everything. This satisfaction with the answer and realization that the wedding between Rose Quartz Vasquez and Charlie Roberts would not, as some believe, be pedophilia let Chell Joy be at peace and as such she turned to other people attending the wedding.

At first Chell Joy was confused since there were so many new faces but finally she hit Gabe Jonson and GLaDOS but since GLaDOS was a giant slug computer in Portal Labs she attended with her android body. "Hey hey... um... You. Who are you again?" Gabe asked since he was young and didn't know the intricacies of the past or his descendants so GLaDOS calculated with super detective for him and was like "This is Chell Joy Roberts she is our granddaughter" and Gabe smiled at recognition of an unfamiliar face.

"That being said, hello family member whom I neither like nor hate" GLaDOS said. Chell Joy nodded in agreement since she didn't see anything particularly evil in GLaDOS either and they went on to the next person attending the wedding.

Chell Joy thus met up with everyone she knows and loves and eventually it got to the big announcement that Rose Quartz Vasquez and Charlie Roberts declared their vows to each other and everyone clapped but Chell Joy was unfulfilled because she wanted to trace the family tree further down and how it eventually ends up with Janet Roberts.

Now this would be like that section of the Bible where it lists families generations down but let's face it I am too tired to come up with a bajillion names that are not relevant to the plot anyway so here I am using the skip card and Chell Joy of course memorized the names because obviously one of her powers is super good memory so she knew what led to what but I didn't so just let's move to the next chapter right Chell Joy?

Right.

TO BE CONTINUED


	14. Surprising Guests

**MEANIE PIXIES' QUEST FOR NARRATION**

Chapter 12: Surprising Guests

* * *

Chell Joy appeared just before the Red Miles and since she is part Marrissa she could just travel back in time and restart the loop but instead she wanted to see if she could actually survive the Red Miles and of course she could so she stayed on top of a building or something and red tentacles kept hitting her and slapping her quite rudely but they didn't pierce her because she had the power for it. Also I literally mentioned powers we never discussed before twice in the same paragraph so that's fun.

At any rate the Red Miles suddenly disappeared and Chell Joy was left in the Third Creation. She decided that exploring the ruined Earth to try and discover new life would be boring so instead she super detectived and just walked straight to the nearest person who also had magically survived the simulacrum due to way too many powers. Then Chell Joy got bored of walking and instead just teleported to that person. That person was... Candacension Pixies!

Candacension recognized Chell Joy as wielding the narration and so approached her cautiously. "Chell Joy, I come to you with a noble cause" she said and Chell Joy immediately recognized this approach as a lie and decided to get straight to the point. "Yeah if you want narration you're not getting it and if you really want it you will have to take it to a fight."

"Don't even try to talk about fighting me. I have the powers of like a bajillion people that I killed so I would easily win" Candacension retorted and Chell Joy was like "This is not a question of quantity but rather that of quality. You didn't kill Marrissa Roberts or Wheatly or Sapphire or anyone like them" and Candacension was dumbfounded. "Who is Sapphire?" She asked and Chell Joy answered "See, you don't even know your potential."

"I know exactly what my potential is and I will end this parade of idiots once and for all" Candacension launched at Chell Joy with a "I'm going to kill you" expression which Chell Joy immediately recognized and took her time to focus on a speshul power. It looked like a sword of ghosts that stabbed Candacension mid air and she held onto her stomach and fell over and died. Chell Joy was satisfied that she could deal revenge and finally end the quest for narration that was never going to happen but now she was alone.

Luckily for Chell Joy she wasn't alone since some robot stepped up to her. He had a blue light kind of like Wheatly but he was also highly geared and with an actual face that could make a whole array of beautiful expressions and one of his hands was a rocket gun that could shoot ordinary rockets but also worked as a portal gun and a gravity gun from Half-Life. Even with her super detective power Chell Joy couldn't make heads or tails of the guy so she entered an interface like Undertale and did Act and then Check and this showed up

* WHEATLY NEO - ATK 417 DEF 417  
* Has brought someone else for you.  
* Turn around.

Chell Joy had nothing better to do so she turned around and saw another guy. This one looked like an ordinary human and Chell Joy was like "how did you survive the Red Miles I thought they killed every ordinary human" and realized he didn't have any powers. Chell Joy was as confused as she could be but the Undertale interface was still there did Act and then Check for this guy as well.

* DOOMBLY (AN: HE CHANGED HIS NICKNAME BECAUSE THE I WORD IS A BAD WORD LIKE THE N WORD THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER USE SO HE'S DOOMBLY NOW AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN)  
* Is so disappointed in you.  
* Listen to him.

"I am so disappointed in you." Doombly said and Chell Joy suddenly grew worried that she messed up when killing Candacension. "I just do not understand why you killed Candacension is killing people the only thing you can do" he said and Chell Joy grew worried but then she looked into the future with Sapphire's powers and saw that it was going to be okay so she let it happen knowing that it will turn out.

Doombly was considerably angered by the look Chell Joy gave so he continued to rant but then Wheatly NEO interrupted. "Marrissa, look on the bright side. Chell Joy has our powers and I could resurrect a whole bunch of people so Chell Joy can do that too!" and that calmed Doombly down so Chell Junor continued smiling since she saw the future. The three finally agreed to love each other like the family they are and Wheatly NEO even apologized for calling Doombly "Marrissa" and the three entered a huge hug.

"If I'm going to resurrect people, first we'll need a plan." Chell Joy said seriously.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED


	15. The List

**MEANIE PIXIES' QUEST FOR NARRATION**

Epilogue: The List

* * *

Together with Doombly and Wheatly NEO, Chell Joy planned to bring everyone into a quaint little town community thing with a Portal High School to educate everyone and the good parts of Portal Labs as well (but not the tests since they made people die and were invented by GLaDOS when she was under Assirram's control). Since Doombly has no powers he mostly spent time decorating the buildings conjured by Wheatly NEO while Chell Joy was getting together a huge list of people to resurrect.

The list looked as follows, sorted by story:

 _ **ITS MY LIFE!**_

 _Marrissa Roberts but she is a normal girl going to high school and has a boyfriend that isn't space lost_  
 _Wheatly (this was eventually crossed out since Wheatly NEO exists)_  
 _Companon Coob_  
 _Chell_  
 _Gabe Jonson_  
 _Caroline_  
 _The good TEEN FORTRESS 2_  
 _Ratman_

 _ **TEEN FORTRESS 2 (the fic)**_

 _Mr. Pursell_  
 _Principal GLaDOS_  
 _Louise London/Boombooms_  
 _Jenny Weasley_  
 _Gaz_  
 _Abraman Linkan_  
 _Principal Business Lady_

 _ **THE MARRISSA GAMES**_

 _Primrose Evergreen_  
 _Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eater_  
 _Gale Thunderpants_  
 _Haymish Abernathy_  
 _Agents J and K_  
 _Thomas the Tank Engine_  
 _Roo_  
 _Sweary Guy_  
 _Whip Whittaker_

 _ **HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE**_

 _Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce_  
 _Bertha Stiller/Boombooms_  
 _Queen Elizabeth_  
 _Taylor Swift_

 _ **ITS MY LIFE!: THE FLAMES AWAKENS**_

 _Riley Andersen_  
 _Sans and Papyrus_

 _ **Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition**_

 _Zim_  
 _Dib_  
 _Gir_

 _ **OMG IMMA IN LOFE WIDDEN ALEEYEN!**_

 _Ross Lavigne_  
 _Kanner Sorket_

 _ **Post-SCrash Session**_

 _Janet Roberts_  
 _Jack London_  
 _Roxa Lavigne_  
 _Dick Stiller_  
 _Dick Stiller's GPS Navigation_  
 _Cantaloupe_  
 _Anna Halley_  
 _Jared Halley_

 _ **Post-SCrash Session 2: The Belorussian Aliens**_

 _Meanie Pixies_  
 _Aranna Sorket_  
 _Lately Pirate (with her family)_  
 _Cranky Vasquez_  
 _The rest of aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin_

 _ **Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host**_

 _Skepness Man Beauregarde_  
 _Violet Beauregarde (the one who has been called the fake Violet)_  
 _Welcome to Night Vale_  
 _Mr. Lewis_  
 _Ms. Hart_

 _ **Marrissaverse Stories 2015**_

 _Elizabeth Comcast_  
 _Loreta Alcorn_  
 _McJuggerNugget_  
 _Albert Dumblydore_

 _ **Meanie Pixies' Quest for Narration**_

 _Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez (with her family)_

Thus once Chell Joy was done compiling a list of everyone to resurrect Doombly and Wheatly NEO were also done so the three were ready for Chell Joy to do her thing but then she reminded everyone that if they created a city in the Third Creation it would only last a few weeks so the three time-traveled a bit to the future to the Fourth Creation so that the city could be properly created and now it was buried by a skyscraper so Chell Joy teleported the skyscraper parts somewhere else and launched a spell which resurrected everyone listed.

Thus the three inaugurated the new city of Portal High School with Business Lady and Doombly as co-mayors and co-principals and everyone clapped and stepped to the stage and bowed to the audience and that's how we truly knew it was:

THE END

* * *

 _Seriously Written Note: Merry beginning of Hiveswap... what do you mean, Hiveswap is not out yet?_


End file.
